On 20th July 2024, my life changed forever.
I became a dad to a beautiful baby girl.
We called her Skye.
The seven months that followed passed in a flash.
Days blurred into weeks, spliced together by sleepless nights, one “first” after another, and astronomical levels of cuteness.
It’s been a rollercoaster.
Extra-ordinary in every sense.
And I’ve learned an awful lot along the way.
Including this:
That a 7-month-old baby, in all the wisdom of unfettered innocence, can teach their 32-year-old dad a surprising amount about life and how to live it.
Here are a few of the main lessons:
1. Express Yourself
Skye is full of emotions.
She’s also more than happy to let you know how she feels.
When she’s happy, she grins from ear to ear, coos incessantly, and waves her arms up and down like an enthusiastic conductor.
When she’s upset, she wails. She goes bright red and lets the tears flow freely.
When she finds something funny, her face crinkles in delight and she lets out gleeful little giggles that make me melt inside.
Without the filter of a prefrontal cortex, Skye is free to feel.
There’s a simplicity to it that I envy.
It’s the best kind of thoughtlessness — a direct line to your experience of life as indicated by the emotion it elicits.
As a chronic overthinker, there’s much to be said for thinking less and feeling more.
2. Ensure Your Basic Needs Are Met
When Skye is hungry, she cries.
Same when she’s tired, scared, or in discomfort.
…Or when she drops her drink bottle off the high chair and I take too long to return it.
In essence, Skye has her priorities straight.
She does everything in her power to meet her basic needs before considering anything else.
I wonder how many of our adult problems would disappear if we did the same?
Food. Sleep. Safety. Cuddles.
If we can tick those off, almost everything else is a bonus.
3. Appreciate Each Moment
Skye doesn’t have to meditate to be in the “here and now”.
She’s just in it, always, by virtue of being a baby.
A lot must go on inside her little body. But she isn’t being distracted by thoughts in the way adults are.
She isn’t concerned about her place in the world or comparing herself to others. She has no existential angst.
And she definitely isn’t worried about paying the bills.
She’s perpetually present.
Always aware of what’s happening around her.
It gives me a nudge to do/be the same whenever possible — especially because I hate the thought of not truly being “there” with my daughter.
4. Live Like a Scientist
For Skye, everything is new and fascinating.
Even the simplest things are sources of joy and bewilderment.
Tinfoil on the kitchen counter. Sunglasses on my head. A poplar tree blowing in the wind. The fabric on the couch.
And the cat!
Skye loves the cat.
How cool would it be to delight in the little things like that?
I think most of us could benefit from seeing the world through a baby’s eyes again. Life would feel more vibrant and exciting.
We’d take less for granted.
We might even remember how lucky we are to be alive in the first place.
5. Smile Like You Mean It
One of my favourite parts of Skye is her smile.
It lights up her face.
And she’s generous with it, too.
She dishes smiles out liberally and spreads joy in the process.
You see it in whoever the lucky recipient happens to be.
Their eyes widen as a smile of their own washes the day’s stress from their face. They look at Skye and inevitably say something like:
“Aww, is that for ME? Thank you!”
They mean it, too. They’re genuinely grateful.
There’s power in a smile. It must be the quickest and easiest way to make the world a better place.
I always think this when passing someone in the street.
It doesn’t take much to flash a smile and say a quick “hello”.
Choosing not to feels wrong — especially when you never know how much they need it.
6. Acknowledge and Appreciate Your Body
You hear a lot about the mind-body connection.
But it’s amazing to watch it forming in real-time.
When Skye first “discovered” her hands, she was obsessed with them.
Now it’s her feet.
She stares at them in wonder, realizing bit by bit that these strange appendages belong to her.
She now takes great pleasure in lifting them to her mouth to nibble her toes.
Another thing I love is how unselfconscious she is.
Skye’s not worried about what other babies think of her chubby thighs.
She’d happily be naked at all times if it was warm enough.
She’s 100% focused on what’s going on around her.
It must be blissful!
I would certainly benefit from being more aware of and grateful for my body. Because too often, I’m neither.
I’m in my head, not my body, and I’m self-critical instead of self-accepting.
Skye reminds me there are healthier ways to be.
7. Set Boundaries, Respect Your Needs, and Avoid People-Pleasing
Skye’s started to be wary of anyone who isn’t me or Meg. If they get too close or fawn over her too intensely, she turns away and cries.
I always feel like she’s saying, “No thanks! I don’t want this. Protect me, please!”
In her own way, she’s setting a boundary.
I know it isn’t necessarily a conscious choice, but she doesn’t try to people-please by giving the other person what they want.
She feels a certain way and responds accordingly.
And not just in this context. In every other one, too.
She’s a strong-minded little tyke (just like her mother).
And I hope she never loses it.
I want her to grow into a self-confident and assertive person who doesn’t have to paint over her insecurities by trying to please everyone all the time.
I’ve been guilty of doing that most of my life.
If you can relate, then we could probably both benefit from taking a leaf from Skye’s book…
To Conclude…
If I had to wrap this all up in a sentence, I’d say this:
When in doubt, be more like Skye.
Express yourself.
Set yourself up for success by meeting your basic needs.
Be present as much as possible.
Revel in the small things.
Love your body.
Respect your boundaries.
And, if nothing else, don’t forget to smile.
