12 Top Tips to Grow Through What You Go Through

Wondering what it means to grow through what you go through and how to do it? I hope this post helps!

Life’s confusing.

It can be joyful, inspiring, and heartbreakingly beautiful! And then it can turn on a dime and be cruel, punishing, and unfair.

In moments when life throws you lemons, what can you do to turn a negative into a positive?

Or, put another way, what can you do to grow through what you go through?

How do you respond in a way that leads to progress and personal development instead of just pain?

Read on for 12 top tips on growing through what you go through.

[Last Updated: May 2023]

Here we go then: 10 tips to enjoy growth through adversity! — Here we go then: 12 tips to enjoy growth through adversity!

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12 Tips on How to Grow Through Adversity

Pain and hardship are inevitable parts of life.

However, as difficult as they might feel in the moment, challenging times don’t have to be our undoing!

Here are 12 top tips on how to come through these moments feeling stronger, happier, and more confident; ready to take on whatever struggles the universe next has in store for you.

1. Be Kind to Yourself

I think self-compassion’s crucial when you’re trying to grow through what you go through.

You have to be kind to yourself; to treat and talk to yourself like a partner, close friend or family member.

Personal accountability’s always key (more on this later), but there’s no room for self-blame. Those two are close cousins but have important differences – the former being productive and empowering, the latter being self-defeating!

Remember, you’re going through a difficult time.

Whether that hardship is of your own doing or pure bad luck, adding negative self-talk and harsh judgments into the mix will never help.

Be real and be honest, but be kind with the delivery.

Forgive yourself.

Give yourself a pat on the back. Remind yourself that you’re a good person. Look in the mirror and tell yourself things will get better. Take a day off work. Do something fun! Go for a walk. Treat yourself somehow…

Whatever you end up doing, start with self-compassion.

2. Seek Perspective

Life’s trials and tribulations can feel all-consuming as they’re happening.

From break-ups and redundancies to grief and personal failures, the intense emotions involved can threaten to overtake you.

Immersed in the struggle, it’s hard to think of anything else. It’s like a thick fog that clouds your vision and blinds you to the outside world. you lose yourself in it.

That’s why I think setting things in perspective is important.

Listen to Xavier Rudd’s song “Follow the Sun”, as he sings:

“When you feel life coming down on you, Like a heavyweight, When you feel this crazy society, Adding to the strain, Take a stroll to the nearest waters, And remember your place, Many moons have risen and fallen long, long before you came. So which way is the wind blowing And what does your heart say?”

He’s saying: “Hey you, stop for a second. Breathe. Take a step back. Release yourself from the grip of your emotions. It’s okay. Look how unfathomably vast the universe is. Don’t your problems seem to fade away in comparison?”

Getting a bit of distance from your struggles is a useful first step to regaining control and then getting through them.

And, to that end, setting your problems in perspective, whether by comparing them to what others go through or to the scale of the universe, is a good way to do it.

Reframing a problem is a great place to start when you have a grasp of the grow through what you go through meaning.

3. Reframe the Situation

Reframing is a powerful psychological tool used to shift your thinking on a particular issue, subject or circumstance.

Imagine holding an empty picture frame in front a particular scene.

Each time you move the frame, you see different elements of it, right? The scene in front of you doesn’t change, but your perspective of it does.

That’s the basic idea behind cognitive reframing. You take a negative situation and “reframe it” in your mind into something more positive.

For example, let’s say someone called Simon has just come out of a long-term relationship. His partner broke up with him and he’s distraught. If he wanted to reframe the situation, he could:

Recognize that being out of the relationship means he now has far more freedom to do what he wants.
Appreciate the fact that his broken heart means he’s shared something special with someone; that he has lifelong memories to treasure.
Realize the beauty of really feeling something, despite the fact it’s hard, and how it makes him feel far more alive than usual.

Seeing your challenges in a positive light isn’t always easy, but can have profound effects on how you feel! You take back control.

You flip a situation on its head and flick an emotional switch in the process.

The best part? The more you do it, the easier it becomes. With practice, you can start reframing any issues that arise to find a light in the darkness.

4. Give It Time

Whatever situation you’re going through might feel like the absolute end of the world right now.

But it won’t forever! Pain dwindles with the passing of time.

Try doing what you can to hold onto that fact, take solace from it, and remind yourself that the “night’s always darkest just before the dawn”.

In other words, it’s usually when things feel like they couldn’t get any worse that they begin to improve!

So reframe it.

Revel in the discomfort while it lasts, because it’ll soon disappear; take whatever lessons you can from the situation before it improves. Take note of how you feel and observe where in your body the pain reveals itself.

Whatever you learn now will help whenever you’re next up against a challenge.

It’ll bolster your defences and be a useful reference point to look back upon- proof that you’ve handled adversity before and so can do it again.

Taking the time to reflect and process a problem is an important way to grow through it.

5. Reflect, Process, and Feel

It’s always tempting to run from inner turmoil.

After all, it’s distressing, so you try to escape from it!

A good example would be the grief-stricken dog owner whose pet pooch dies. Instead of grieving their loss, they go out and buy a brand new puppy to fill the void.

You bury your head in the sand and pretend the problem isn’t there.

You distract yourself with constant activity, lock matters away in the “to be dealt with later” section of your mind, and/or ply yourself with booze to dull your senses.

The result?

It remains unresolved.

Time may work its magic and take the edge off your pain. But it’s in there somewhere. You might not be conscious of it, but it’s guaranteed to express itself down the line. Maybe you’ll become an angrier person, or feel lethargic all the time, or find it hard to trust people anymore…

In your bid to grow through what you go through, try taking the opposite tack:

Don’t run from the problem. Be brave and face up to it.

Stop, pause, think, feel, and reflect. Cry. Shout. Talk to yourself. Talk to your loved ones. Express yourself! Write stuff down. Meditate. Observe your thoughts and feelings as they come and go.

It won’t be easy. It’ll probably hurt.

Yet it’s short-term pain for long-term gain. You’ll integrate the situation into your internal world, avoiding ongoing pain in the process.

Remember that nothing in life is black and white though!

If things are threatening to overwhelm you, then distracting yourself could be a useful short-term solution. Give yourself a temporary breather before getting back to the hard work of confronting the problem.

6. Hold Yourself Accountable

Another common reaction to difficult times is to point fingers.

We lay the blame elsewhere and look outside for solutions instead of accepting responsibility for it ourselves.

Now, this reaction’s literally built into us via a “self-serving bias”- the human tendency to take credit for positive outcomes and blame others for negative ones.

So don’t beat yourself up if you notice yourself doing it!

We all do; it’s natural. And often entirely justified.

However, it’s also less than ideal when you’re trying to grow through what you go through! Blaming other people and things for our problems doesn’t achieve anything positive. It disempowers us.

You place your fate in the hands of others.

And waiting for external forces to change in your favour can make you bitter and resentful if/when they don’t.

The better option?

Hold yourself accountable for everything at all times.

…Even when your problems obviously aren’t your fault!

As Jocko Willink says:

Once people stop making excuses, stop blaming others, and take ownership of everything in their lives, they are compelled to take action to solve their problems.

— Jocko Willink

7. Try To Laugh

When you can hold onto a sense of humour despite your struggles, that’s when you’re really winning.

In the words of Gordon Allport (a famous psychologist):

“So many tangles in life are ultimately hopeless that we have no appropriate sword other than laughter.”

In essence, there’s always the option to laugh in the face of our problems.

You may feel more like sobbing into a handkerchief at the misery of your situation.

But if you can somehow make room for a giggle and a grin, you might open the floodgates and let the belly laughter begin. And if you can manage that, then you’ll find hope.

Whenever you go through a tricky time, accepting the situation can lessen the strain and help you get through it with a smile on your face.

8. Accept Whatever Happened (& Forgive)

Acceptance is one of the most powerful mechanisms I’ve come across for finding peace and moving on from challenging times.

You stop fighting whatever you’re going through.

And you say, “Okay, this has happened/this is what’s happening. Now what?”

It’s like a mental switch you flick that puts you back in control. You conserve energy and have chance to refocus on getting through the situation unscathed.

As my friend in the Royal Marines once said to me about the brutal process of going through selection to earn his Green Beret, “As soon as you accept that it’s going to hurt, it’s really not that bad.”

In other words, there’s always two aspects of every issue you encounter in life:

The problem itself, and
The inner struggle you put up against it.

By accepting the first part, the second miraculously fades away. And that, in turn, makes the problem itself easier to overcome.

9. Take Stock and Re-Assess

One way to reframe life’s challenges and grow through what you go through is to recognize that in every obstacle lies an opportunity.

Why not use the struggle as an incentive to stop and reassess your current path?

See it as a fork in the road.

Like someone who emerges from a near-death experience, the ordeal can shake you from apathy, highlight areas of potential growth, and showcase your priorities.

For example, I was heartbroken when I came out of a long-term relationship a few years ago. But it made me realize how much I wanted to travel solo, convinced me to start this blog, and ultimately sent me on a path to meeting my current girlfriend.

You grow through what you go through when you can give thanks for whatever’s gone wrong (as well as what’s going right!).

10. Give Thanks

Gratitude’s underrated.

Especially when you’re going through a hard time!

It’s a way to focus on what you have, instead of what you’ve lost.

It’s also another way to reframe the predicament you’re in (“Thank you for X, because it’s making me Y and teaching me Z”) and shed it in a positive light.

This helps alter your mood and mindset.

You feel good!

You stop wallowing in self-pity as much. You take note of all the good stuff there is in your life and acknowledge that someone always has it worse.

In the process, you gain that all-important perspective and build yourself a platform from which to take positive steps forward.

11. Take Action

Oh, and try doing something.

Anything!

Sink your teeth into a new project, commit yourself to a goal, take up a new hobby (or pick up an old one), meet up with friends, go for a run, start going to the gym…

Do whatever you can to get some forward momentum.

Not only will you enjoy a useful distraction, but you’ll also feel a sense of progress.

And progress is powerful.

It makes you feel happier and more optimistic about life. You’re moving up in the world! You’re on a roll. And, before you know it, you’re officially growing through what you’ve been going through.

12. Get Philosophical

I began this article by noting how strange it is that life can be so joyful and miserable.

I find it hard to wrap my head around that duality sometimes.

…But I remind myself not to dwell on it.

For one thing, you can’t have “good” without “bad” (how would you recognize one without the other?).

And, for another, the “bad” stuff’s often outside our control anyway!

When life happens, the only thing that makes practical sense is to focus on what is controllable: ourselves.

Ultimately, it’s our response to life’s challenges (and not the challenge itself) that either makes or breaks us.

Grow Through What You Go Through

There you have it then: my thoughts on how to grow through what you go through.

Life can be full of hurdles and stumbling blocks. But these difficult moments don’t have to defeat us!

In fact, it’s through such challenges that we have a chance to become stronger, happier, and more capable people.

The tricky part’s knowing how to react to such struggles in a way that makes those positive outcomes possible.

With any luck, the ideas in this post will make that process a little easier.

Looking for more insights on similar topics? Read this post on what to do when you hate your life.