101 Christmas Vacation Quotes to Fill You with Festive Cheer

Whether it’s the middle of summer or Christmas is right around the corner, you can never go wrong with Christmas Vacation quotes.

They’re a surefire way to get everyone laughing!

After all, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation consistently ranks as one of the best Christmas movies ever made.

Keep reading below for a list of the best quotes from Christmas Vacation.

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The Best Quotes from Christmas Vacation

1. “Clark, stop it! I don’t want to spend the holidays dead!” — Ellen Griswold

2. Audrey Griswold: “He worked really hard Grandpa.” Ellen’s dad: “So do washing machines.”

3. “We’re kicking off our fun, old-fashioned family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols.” — Clark Griswold

4. “I dedicate this house to the Griswold Family Christmas.” — Clark Griswold

5. “It’s a one-year membership to the Jelly of the Month Club.” — Clark Griswold

6. Audrey Griswold: “We’re not driving all the way out here so you can get one of those stupid ties with the Santa Clauses on it, are we Dad?” Clark Griswold: “No, I have one of those at home.”

7. “Eat my road grit, Liver Lips!” — Clark Griswold

8. “Look at the time! I gotta go to bed. I still gotta brush my teeth, feed the hog, still got some homework to do, still got those bills to pay, wash the car.” — Rusty Griswold

9. “Dad, you taught me everything I know about exterior illumination.” — Clark Griswold

10. “Where do you think you’re going? Nobody’s leaving. Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We’re all in this together.” — Clark Griswold

11. “There it is … the Griswold family Christmas tree.” — Clark Griswold

12. “You couldn’t hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.” — Uncle Lewis

13. “Better take a raincheck on that, Art. He’s got a lip fungus they ain’t identified yet.” — Cousin Eddie

14. “This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here.” — Clark Griswold

15. “It’s people that make the difference. Little people like you.” — Frank Shirley

16. “Well, I don’t know what to say, except it’s Christmas and we’re all in misery.” — Ellen Griswold

17. “Grandma Nora has a painful burr on my heel and if you rub it for me, I’ll give you a whole quarter!” — Nora

18. “The little lights are not twinkling.” — Art

19. “The most enduring traditions of the season are best enjoyed in the warm embrace of kith and kin.” — Clark Griswold

20. “Last season he was a pixie-dust spreader on a Tilt-A-Whirl and he thinks that maybe next year he’ll be guessing people’s weight or barking for Yak Woman.” — Cousin Eddie Johnson

21. “Oh dear, did I break wind?” — Aunt Bethany

22. “Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, and forgive my husband, he knows not what he does.” — Ellen Griswold

23. “Catherine, if this turkey tastes half as good as it looks, I think we’re all in for a very big treat!” — Clark Griswold

24. “Santy Claus! Uncle Clark … are you Santy Claus?” — Ruby Sue

25. “Welcome to our home — what’s left of it.” — Ellen Griswold

26. “My cousin-in-law, whose heart is bigger than his brain.” — Clark Griswold

27. “I’m sorry. This is our family’s first kidnapping.” — Ellen Griswold

28. “That’s a honey of a tree, Clark … is it real?” — Cousin Eddie Johnson

29. “Aunt Bethany, does your cat eat Jello?” — Clark Griswold

30. “It’s a bit nipply out. I mean nippy out. What did I say? Nipple? Ah, there is a nip in the air, though” — Clark Griswold

Best quotes from Christmas vacation — We’re about halfway through the best quotes from Christmas vacation, do you find some of them familiar?

31. “It wouldn’t be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter — hotter than they are.” — Clark Griswold

32. “I just can’t believe you’re actually standing here in my living room, Eddie. Never thought the day would come.” — Clark Griswold

33. “This here’s our pride and joy: Snots. We named him that because he’s got this sinus condition. Snots, you roll over and let Uncle Clark scratch your belly.” — Cousin Eddie Johnson

34. “I love it here. You don’t gotta put on your coat to go to the bathroom, and your house is always parked in the same place!” — Ruby Sue

35. “Save the neck for me, Clark!” — Cousin Eddie

36. “We’re gonna have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas.” — Clark Griswold

37. “Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere, leave you for dead?” — Clark Griswold

38. “Oh boy, this is a surprise, Clark. It’s just a real nice surprise. Just a real nice surprise.” — Cousin Eddie

39. “You want to hurry this up, Clark? I’m freezing my baguettes off.” — Art

40. “Honey, do you honestly think I would check thousands of tiny little lights if I wasn’t sure the extension cord was plugged in?” — Clark Griswold

41. “Clark, we’re stuck under a truck!” — Ellen Griswold

42. “Surprised, Eddie? If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am right now.” — Clark Griswold

43. “It’s a beaut, Clark, it’s a beaut!” — Clark Griswold Sr.

44. “This isn’t charity; it’s family.” — Clark Griswold

45. “When Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!” — Clark Griswold

46. “And why is the carpet all wet, Todd?” — Margo

47. “We’re gonna have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas.” — Clark Griswold

48. “I got haemorrhoids, can you believe it?” — Francis

49. “It was an ugly tree anyway.” — Art

50. “I’m sorry. This is our family’s first kidnapping.” — Ellen Griswold

51. “If this isn’t the biggest bag-over-the-head, punch-in-the-face I ever got!” — Clark Griswold

52. “She’ll see it later honey, her eyes are frozen shut.” — Ellen Griswold

53. “Would it be indecent to ask the grandparents to stay at a hotel?” — Audrey Griswold

54. “It’s not going in our yard, Russ. It’s going in our living room.” — Clark Griswold

55. “Hallelujah! Holy sh*t! Where’s the Tylenol?” — Clark Griswold

56. “Is it plugged in?” — Ellen Griswold

57. “What is it? A letter confirming your reservation at the nuthouse?” — Grandpa Art

58. “I was just looking at something for my wife, God rest her soul.” — Clark Griswold

59. *sips eggnog* “It’s good. It’s good.” — Clark Griswold

60. Todd Chester: “Hey Griswold, where do you think you’re gonna put a tree that big?” Clark Griswold: “Bend over and I’ll show you.”

61. Ellen Griswold: “Clark, Audrey’s frozen from the waist down.” Clark Griswold: “It’s all part of the experience, honey!”

62. “If you want to come in you’ll have to break down the goddamn door!” — Margo

63. “I hope nobody I know drives by and sees me standing in the yard staring at the house in my pyjamas.” — Audrey Griswold

64. “Oh, the silent majesty of a winter’s morn, the clean, cool chill of the holiday air, and an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer.” — Clark Griswold

65. Clark Griswold: “Where’s Eddie? He usually eats these things.” Catherine, Eddie’s wife: “Oh, not recently. He read that squirrels are high in cholesterol.”

66. “It’s not big, it’s just … full.” — Clark Griswold

67. “I’m gonna catch it in a coat, and smack it with a hammer!” — Clark Griswold

68. “Oh, he’s just yakkin’ on a bone.” — Cousin Eddie

69. “You just march over there and slug that creep in the face.” — Margo

70. “The BLESSSSSING.” — Uncle Lewis

71. “Mom? This box is meowing.” — Rusty Griswold

72. “Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!” — Cousin Eddie

73. “Grace? She died 30 years ago!” — Aunt Bethany

74. “Hey kids, look! A deer!” — Clark Griswold

75. Clark Griswold: “Eat my rubber!” Rusty Griswold: “Dad, I think what you mean is ‘Burn rubber, and eat my dust…’” Clark Griswold: “Whatever, Russ. Whatever.”

76. “A lot of sap in here! Looks great. A little full. A lot of sap.” — Clark Griswold

77. “Honey, they’re family—not strangers off the street.” — Clark Griswold

78. “I think you’re forgetting how difficult it’s going to be having everybody at the house at the same time.” — Ellen Griswold

79. “You’re the last true family man.” — Bill

80. “Your mother waxes her upper lip?… Hmm doesn’t show.” — Clark Griswold

Have you found your favourite Christmas vacation quote yet? Check out the rest of the list here…

81. “I’ll, uh, park the cars, and check the luggage, and, uh…I’ll be outside for the season.” — Clark Griswold

82. “I was just smelling…smiling! I was just blouse…browsing!” — Clark Griswold

83. “Think you might be overdoing it, Dad?” — Rusty Griswold

84. “If you need any help, just give me a holler, I’ll be upstairs—asleep.” — Grandpa Clark

85. “Are you out here for a reason, or are you just avoiding the family?” — Ellen Griswold

86. “He’s cute, ain’t he? Only problem is, he’s got a little bit of Mississippi leg hound in him. Mood catches him right, he’ll grab your leg and just go to town. You don’t want him around if you’re wearing short pants, if y’know what I mean!” — Cousin Eddie

87. “Yeah, I got the daughter in the clinic getting cured off the wild turkey.” — Cousin Eddie

88. Cousin Eddie: “And the older boy, bless his soul, is preparing for his career!” Clark Griswold: “College?” Cousin Eddie: “Carnival.” Clark Griswold: “You must be so proud.”

89. “Now, if you’ll excuse me—I’m in the middle of an important call… get me somebody…anybody.” — Frank Shirley

90. “I borrowed it off a buddy of mine. He took my house, I took the RV.” — Cousin Eddie

91. “Going for a new amateur recreational saucer sled land speed record—Clark W. Griswold Jr.!” — Clark Griswold

92. “I don’t know if I ought to go sailing down no hill with nothing between the ground and my brain but a piece of government plastic.” — Cousin Eddie

93. “If you’re good, Santa knows it. And if you believe in him, and you believe in your mom and you believe in your dad—if you’ve been good all year round, Santa Claus is going to bring you something.” — Clark Griswold

94. “I told you we should have gone to Hawaii!” — Rusty Griswold

95. “When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a miniature sleigh and… Eddie. With a man in his pyjamas and a dog chain tied to his wrists and ankles.” — Clark Griswold

96. “Yes, officer? It seems my husband has been abducted. The man was wearing a blue leisure suit.” — Mrs. Shirley

97. “It’s the Christmas star. And that’s all that matters tonight. Not bonuses or gifts or turkeys or trees. See kids, it means something different to everybody. Now I know what it means to me.” — Clark Griswold

98. “Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas, Clark! You about ready to do some kissing?” — Cousin Eddie

99. “I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.” — Grandpa Clark

100. “Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head.” — Clark Griswold

101. Ellen Griswold: “He’s old. It may be his last Christmas.” Clark Griswold: “If he keeps it up, it will be his last Christmas.”

Your Favourite Christmas Vacation Quotes

So, which of these Christmas Vacation quotes is your personal favourite?

Do you love the short, witty one-liners? Or do you prefer the back-and-forth banter between these loveable characters?

Whatever the case, save this list so you’ll always have the perfect Christmas Vacation quote to reference!

Has all this talk of Christmas Vacation quotes given you the travel bug? Hopefully, your next getaway won’t be quite as problematic (or dysfunctional) as the Griswolds’ family vacations.

Read this post next for 200 epic quotes about travelling with your friends!