140 Funny Golf Puns Sure to “Putt” a Smile on Your Face [Best Golf Jokes]

Are you dreaming of your next day on the golf course?

You’re not alone! The game of golf has exploded in popularity since the pandemic, with record numbers of players across the UK, the US, and Europe.

But what you really need for your next round (besides a cold drink in your hand) are some funny golf jokes to share with your buddies.

Keep reading below for a long list of golf puns, funny golf sayings, and golf dad jokes — guaranteed to keep everyone laughing ‘til the 18th hole.

Golf jokes one-liners — Here we go, then: The 140 Golf puns & golf jokes one-liners you’ll surely enjoy!

Hilarious Golf Puns

1. You drive me crazy.

2. Who’s your caddy?

3. No holes parred.

4. No ifs, ands, or putts.

5. Putter late than never.

6. I am Iron Man.

7. Ball’s well that ends well!

8. To the start of a beautiful friend-chip.

9. I’m at a loss fore words!

10. I have a hole lot of love for this game.

11. Let’s get this par-tee started.

12. Good times as par as the eye can see.

13. Green there, done that.

14. Don’t putt corners!

15. This is all fore the best.

16. It’s ball or nothing.

17. Money doesn’t grow on tees.

18. What a load of trap!

19. I rule with an iron fist.

20. Nice shot, shankapotamus.

21. It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

22. May the course be with you.

23. To tee or not to tee.

24. Drive had it up to my eyeballs.

25. Care fore a spot of tee?

26. The duke of hazards.

27. Traveling around the golf coast.

28. Stay humble and put your eagle aside.

29. Un-fore-gettable, in every way.

30. I love you with all of my golf cart.

31. I am the golf father.

32. To putt a long story short.

33. I’m reviewing the course material.

34. Having a rough time.

35. Quit wasting time puttering around.

36. Catch me riding birdie.

37. You must strike while the iron is hot.

38. I’ve got a putter idea.

39. We all get equal opportuni-tees

40. Everybody trap your hands.

41. You’re the best, by par.

42. It’s a hole new ball game.

43. Golf forth, and prosper.

44. I like big putts and I cannot lie.

45. A chip off the old block.

46. Good times as par as the eye can see.

47. Careful there, putter fingers!

48. I wouldn’t putt it past them.

49. Swingin’ in the rain.

50. All bets par off.

Funny Golf One-Liners

51. Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.

52. Practice tee: A place where golfers go to convert a nasty hook into a wicked slice.

53. One golf ball said to the other, “See you a round.”

54. The higher a golfer’s handicap, the higher the chance of him telling you what you’re doing wrong!

55. The man who takes up golf to get his mind off work will soon take up work to get his mind off golf.

56. This guy spends more time in the sand than David Hasselhoff.

57. There’s no game like golf: You go out with three friends, play 18 holes, then come back with three enemies!

58. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly.

59. Golf is the easiest game in the world, it’s just really hard to play.

60. A golfer standing at a tee overlooking a river sees a couple of fishermen and says to his partner, “Look at those two idiots fishing in the rain.”

61. Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with disappointments.

62. The only thing that causes more cheating than golf is income taxes.

63. The best wood in most golfer’s bags is the pencil.

64. Many golfers prefer a cart instead of a caddy because a cart cannot count, criticize, or laugh.

65. I once played a course that was so tough, I lost two balls in the ball washer!

66. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly, or…start cheating!

67. Golf is what you play when you’re too out of shape to play baseball.

68. Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won’t work… and both are expensive.

69. The only problem with golf is that the fast groups are always behind you and the slow groups are always ahead of you.

70. The best person to play golf with is someone who always plays a little bit worse than you do.

71. Golf is a lot like taxes, you go for the green and wind up in the hole.

72. The term “mulligan” is really a contraction of the phrase “maul-it-again.”

73. Oxymoron: An easy par three.

74. In golf, some people tend to get confused with all the numbers: They shoot a “six”, yell “fore”, and write “five.”

75. No matter how badly you play, always remember: It’s possible to play even worse.

76. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.

77. I shot one under at golf: One under a tree and one under the water.

78. Golf was once a rich man’s sport but now it has millions of poor players!

Funny Golf Jokes

79. What do you call a wizard that can turn himself into a golf club? Harry Putter.

80. What’s the difference between a golfer and a fisherman? When a golfer lies he doesn’t have to bring anything home to prove it.

81. What do golfers do on their days off? Putter around.

82. Wife: I’m sick of your obsession with golf! Husband: Why, because it’s driving a wedge between us?

83. Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night? Clubbing.

84. Why do the pros tell you to keep your head down during golf lessons? So you can’t see them laughing.

85. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!

86. Why do golf announcers whisper? Because they don’t want to wake up the people watching.

87. What does a golfer love to hear from his wife? Talk birdie to me!

88. Did you hear about the two guys that met at a golf course? It was the beginning of a beautiful friend-chip!

89. What’s a golfer’s favorite bird? Any birdie will do.

90. What’s the best quality in a golf partner? They play worse than you do!

91. Golfer: “I think I’ll go drown myself in that lake.” Caddie: “I don’t think you’ll keep your head down long enough.”

92. Where can you find 100 doctors all at the same place on any given day? A golf course.

93. Why did the golfer change her socks? Because she had a hole in one.

94. What are the primary components of a golfer’s diet? A lot of greens and water.

95. What are a golfer’s favorite flowers? Fore-Get Me Nots.

96. A player asked his golf coach, “What is going wrong with my game?” The coach replied, “You’re standing too close to the ball after you’ve hit it.”

97. What is a golfer’s favorite dance move? The bogey.

98. What should NASA do if it wants to explore water on Mars? Send a golfer there to hit a golf ball.

99. What’s the easiest shot in golf? Your fourth putt.

100. When is it too wet to play golf? When your golf cart capsizes.

Groanworthy Golf Dad Jokes

101. Where do ghosts play golf? On the golf corpse.

102. Bad at golf? Join the club.

103. Why are computers good at golf? Because they have hard drives.

104. Man, that dwarf is good at putting and chipping. His short game is at a different level!

105. What did the driver yell at the golf cart that cut him off? Kiss my putt!

106. Why do golfers hate cake? Because they might get a slice.

107. Which actress is incredible at golf? Minnie Driver.

108. If you golf on election day, make sure to cast an absent-tee-ballot.

109. What is a golfer’s worst nightmare? The Bogeyman.

110. Are you a scratch golfer? I sure am. Every time I hit the ball I scratch my head and wonder where the heck it went.

111. Address the ball. Hello, ball!

112. How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? Fore!

113. What do you call a monkey who wins the Masters? The chimpion!

114. Do you know how the moon got craters? Three words: Chuck Norris Golf

115. Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course? He was perfecting his swing.

Bonus: 25 Famous Funny Golf Sayings & Quotes

116. “I have a tip that can take 5 strokes off anyone’s golf game. It’s called an eraser.” — Arnold Palmer

117. “Why am I using a new putter? Because the last one didn’t float too well.” — Craig Stadler

118. “Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad.” — AA Milne

119. “If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.” — Bob Hope

120. “The more I work and practice, the luckier I seem to get.” — Gary Player

121. “Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result.” — Tommy Armour

122. “If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.” — Dean Martin

123. “If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they’d starve to death.” — Sam Snead

124. “Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do.” — Bruce Crampton

125. “Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.” — Harry Vardon

126. “The proper score for a businessman golfer is 90. If he is better than that he is neglecting his business. If he’s worse, he’s neglecting his golf.” — St Andrews Rotary Club Member

127. “Golf is a game that is played on a five-inch course – the distance between your ears.” — Bobby Jones

128.

If you’re caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.

— Lee Trevino

129. “I’d give up golf if I didn’t have so many sweaters.” — Bob Hope

130. “Golf is a good walk spoiled.” — Mark Twain

131. “If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don’t have to waste energy going back to pick it up.” — Tommy Bolt

132. “It’s about hitting the ball in the center of the club face and hitting it hard.” — Bubba Watson

133. “They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.” — Gardner Dickinson

134. “Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.” — William Wordsworth

135. “They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken.” — Ray Floyd

136. “You know what the game of golf is, don’t you? It’s basketball for people who can’t jump and chess for people who can’t think.” ― Tom Robbins

137. “We learn so many things from golf—how to suffer, for instance.” ― Bruce Lansky

138. “It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. It took one afternoon on the golf course.” ― Hank Aaron

139. “Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.” ― Jack Benny

140. “If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.” ― Jack Lemmon

The Best Golf Jokes One-Liners (And More)

There’s no doubt about it — these silly golf puns are a “putt above” the rest.

Save this article so you’ll always have the perfect funny golf jokes for any occasion!

Did you enjoy this list of funny golf sayings? Keep the chuckles coming with this list of the best coffee puns and jokes.